Friday, March 23, 2007

Analysis of a Woman


ANALYSIS

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 15kg to 225kg.

Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with trace elements found in most other areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

Surface normally covered in powder and paint film.

Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.

Melts if given special treatment.

Bitter if used incorrectly.

Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore.

Yields if pressure is applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.

Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

Explodes spontaneously, without warning or reason.

Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.

Greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol.

The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.

Can be a great aid to relaxation.

Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS

Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state.

Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

HAZARDS

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

Illegal to possess more than one specimen, although several can be maintained at different locations provided they DO NOT come into direct contact with each other.


found here http://www.stevenwillingale.com/fun/women.htm

3 comments:

marsha said...

LOL, that is very funny.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

"Explodes spontaneously, without warning or reason."

Hahaha! That's funny!

Uhhhh...unless my wife is reading this.... ;)

Riannan said...

Brilliant!