Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Computer problems?

Does your PC breakdown and give you grief?

It might be because you’re a wimp.

Try one of these self-assertive maintenance techniques

Approach the problem machine in a confident manner. Let it think that you don’t care if it works or not. Like dogs, computers can smell fear.

If others are watching always be ready for a machine to start working of its own accord. Rehearse lines like : “There I thought that would work”.

Wave the reference manual at the machine. If you don’t have one use any technical manual close at hand, the weightier the better. This has the effect of invoking spirits friendly to your cause and may convince the machine to give up without a struggle.

Try percussive maintenance . This involves gently lifting the unco-operative device about 100mm above the desk as though looking for something underneath. You them suddenly drop the beast. This often completely fixes the fault.

If you are at work and the PC is relatively untraceable, get in early in the morning and simply swap your broken machine with a working model in another department.

If there is a danger that the serial numbers are kept somewhere, make sure that you’ve swapped all of your machines round long before they break. (This is called ” preventative maintenance ”) That way when you swap them back after yours breaks, you end up with the one you should have had all along, and no one can point the finger.

If none of the above works, consider taking out a contract on the machine - $100 slipped to the office cleaner will usually arrange a suitable “accident” such as falling down the stairs. It will also serve as a warning to the other machines that you’re not to be fooled

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